| 6 months. and 2 months and 5 days |
[13 Dec 2008|06:50pm] |
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I hate the saying things happen for a reason.
What reason was there for taking my grandparents away from me?
What reason was there for making my aunt and uncles act the way they did?
What reason was there for causing me this much pain causing my mom this much pain?
What reason was there for never being his old self anymore?
What reason was there for someone not giving support when it was so desperately needed?
I feel like when somebody says "things happen for a reason" it's just them wanting to be helpful which i guess is great but it doesn't do anything for me.
bottom line is unless you can give me a fucking reason.
I dont care about anything.
I miss them too much.
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| what why and how come.... |
[17 Mar 2008|08:22pm] |
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So I'm wondering why bad things happen in such a way where you never feel like you have a break in the world. Why cant you just get dealt one hand and deal with that for a couple of months and then a new one why does the world feel as though it is necessary to bombard you with problem after problem after problem. Sometimes it feels like the world just wont let me breath. Although my problems probably seem small to others they are always big and life changing to me. I wish I could just put a band aid over myself and make it all go away...unfortunately i just have to deal with it all. Why does it always come down to dealing with it at this point i just wanna run.
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[16 Mar 2008|08:50pm] |
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i fucking hate putting my hopes on other people they constantly disappoint me.
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| Scars remind us that the past is real. |
[03 Dec 2007|10:37pm] |
So I'm being a bitch he says...well that may be true but still Bitch is a pretty harsh term don't ya think.
Why is it he can always say the words that cuts my knees right out from underneath me. Why is it when
I feel like I'm falling down instead of giving me his strong hand to depend on and help me up he shoves me
with the very hand I am expecting to be my salvation. I'm not good at being one of those strong girls who can walk away.
I can't let him come crawling back to me because well I simply know he won't. I admire Lauren more than anyone and the sad
part is she doesn't even know. To have suffered a heartbreak and survived I commend her. I wish I could do it and
she is still relatively happy I mean I know she wishes things were different but who doesn't wish that about their life.
I hate getting close to people, you would think i would have learned my lesson a long time ago but no. I, unfortunately, do not
learn from my first mistake or second mistake infact I rarely learn from any mistakes. Sometimes I feel like that the closer someone
is to you the more of a chance they have to hurt you and they know where to hit you where it hurts. If you know someone's secrets and
are a horrible enough person It is my belief that you can make them want to die. Sometimes he can make me wish that. Sometimes
I just want to be free and not worry about anything anymore. I know that it's just a phase and I'll be better in awhile, I also am well aware of
the fact that everybody goes through theses phases but why? Why can't I just know and i mean really know that I'm going to be okay in the end
that whatever i do I will amount to something. I had a teacher once tell me that what i was going through was a test and that how i handle it
will tell people what the kind of person i am. Why so many tests? Why not just one? Does it really take a multitude of tests to average out who you are. I know I am a patient, enduring person from softball...but on the pesimistic end I know that I allowed people to walk all over me and hurt my feelings and work my ass off for them for what it was pointless? And what of my accident what did i learn from that? I hate that ugly scar on my hand i hate it with a passion sometimes i wish i had a wand and could make it go away. to have that constant reminder of one of the worse if not the absolute worse day of my life there on display for all the world to see. I hate it I hate it so much. But I am a stronger person because of it i handled everything pretty damn well...on the outside. I don't know how I can start off talking about one thing and then go into something so completely opposite.
Im done for now...I just needed to vent.
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